What Does Proactive Accountability Look Like?
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Every day, we’re at war with the enemy. He desires to steal, kill, and destroy and is ultimately after our souls. But because it’s not enough for him to win us over, he attempts to deploy methods that will also defeat our marriages and families. One of the most powerful weapons he uses is the perversion of sexuality.
Because of this arsenal attack, it will require an entire army standing up to do battle. Linked arm in arm, holding one another up on the most difficult of days, is the only way that true freedom can be found. As a result, accountability is vital to the mission ahead. But what exactly should true, honest accountability look like?
Accountability
Kevin Corey of Porn Addiction Test recently shared a powerful article he wrote on this very subject. Struggling with porn himself, he was accustomed to going through the motions. Yet, he found himself continually relapsing over and over – often feeling utterly hopeless.
But things would turn around for him once committing to attend a men’s small group. Walking in the door for the first time, he became exposed to the Conquer Series. The Conquer Series is a cinematic teaching study, which combines both science and Scripture to help men find freedom from pornography. With his permission, we are sharing it with you.
Kevin’s Story
For years I had a friend that I called an accountability partner. We would check in every once in a while and ask the obligatory, “You good, man?” or offer a simple statement like, “Been praying for you, bro – stay strong!”. These are not true accountability interactions. Waiting for a moment to see if someone is struggling is too late. Waiting for someone to fail to be there for support is not what we need.
That is like someone willing to post bail for you. There is nothing proactive about that.
We also don’t need to have a police role either, ready to lay down the law once we fail.
What we need is something I discovered in a Wednesday night men’s purity group earlier this year. I walked into a meeting after yet another failure wanting to experience something different. They had all the signs of a traditional men’s group, but the leader said he had a video for us to watch and then discuss. We watched the first session of the Conquer Series and I immediately realized a shift in my thoughts about what I needed (more on that later).
Growing up, I had viewed pornography simply as a temptation that men and women have to endure and try our best not to give into. I would fall into the cycle of failure, giving into the temptation for a day, a week, or let’s face it, for seasons. I became an expert of rationalizing that the “urge” is too strong, but it will be okay – I will just “be better” next time.
Related Article: 6 Lies Men Believe When They Struggle With Porn
On that first night of watching the Conquer Series I learned that this is a war for our souls that starts with a battle and all-out attack on our brain. We are hooked before we know it and “defenseless” on our own. The word addict was thrown around and I had this stiffness inside of me saying, “Oh, no you don’t! – Don’t label me as an addict because I look at naked people online. I’m not some pervert!”
Related Article: Understanding Denial & How It Fuels Porn Addiction
As I learned more, I understood more. Clarity broke through my confusion.
So, what was it that I knew I needed back on that first night? What is it that we need? We need warriors willing to lock arms and fight side by side in our battle against porn and lust.
We need active accountability partners getting ahead of temptation and attacks and asking real and personal questions. No part of our lives is off limits to questions as we analyze all aspects of life on a daily basis. No thoughts are too personal. Not actions are hidden. No temptation is too tough.
Let today be the day you draw your line in the sand and stand, with an active accountability warrior, helping you conquer and win back your life.
Related Article: Which Accountability Software Is Right For Me?
Day One
Maybe you, like Kevin, struggle to accept the fact that you may be battling an addiction. If that’s you, you can anonymously take the Sexual Addiction Screening Test, which will help you understand areas of your life where a struggle may be present. If you want freedom, you must start with being truthful in your responses, considering both past and present circumstances. Today can be your day one.
Related Article: Testimony: One Man's Desperate Attempt To Find Healing
Identification and acceptance is only the beginning. Moving forward, you must commit to a healing journey.
There are many layers that will need peeled back. You’ll have to gain an understanding of how the brain works, why trying harder does not work, the schemes used by the enemy to keep you in bondage, the importance of finding your identity in Christ, and more. The Conquer Series is a great tool to help you during this process.
Related Article: When Trying Harder Isn’t Enough
And remember, you do not have to battle this alone. Though it requires a lot of courage, stepping out to join a Conquer Group can be a life changing experience for you!