Full Disclosure: Why You’re Only As Sick As Your Secret
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Non-Negotiable
You have finally admitted to yourself that you struggle with porn. You have even taken the first step towards overcoming porn by joining a small group that is using the Conquer Series cinematic study.
Now the tough work begins. Watching the Conquer Series videos and using the study guide and journal is a great start. But you will only get the most out of the series if you are actively involved in a small group.
For most men, the idea of sharing their deepest feelings and thoughts with others is more than intimidating; it’s outright frightening. But full disclosure of your past is vital to overcoming your porn addiction. Full disclosure is non-negotiable.
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Full Disclosure
In the Conquer Series, the participants must share with the rest of the group a full disclosure of what they’ve been struggling with.
At first, you may be hesitant to tell the other group members everything about your addiction. But partial disclosure will hinder your recovery. You need to fully disclose the whole story to the group.
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If men are honest, they know they’ve already tried to do this on their own and have failed. Dr. Ted Roberts, host of the Conquer Series, explains that men need to have at least 4 other men who know everything about them.
Sharing your full story can be painful but it deals with the shame behind your struggle which allows you to start moving forward into recovery.
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” – James 5:16
Fully Committed
According to Mark Brouwer, editor of sexualsanity.com,
“We need to have people we are completely honest with about our addictive behaviors. Addiction thrives in secret and dies in the light of honest truth-telling…Partial doesn’t cut it. We need to share the whole story.”
There are many reasons a porn addict may not want to fully disclose, such as shame, fear, and rejection. A saying from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) applies to porn addicts also: “we’re only as sick as our secrets.”
Total honesty also means that you will have to be totally honest with yourself. You will have to face things that you really don’t want to face.
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Shame
One of the biggest roadblocks to men fully disclosing is shame. But your Conquer Group is made up of people who are struggling the same as you are.
They know exactly what you are going through and want to help and support you. They know that porn addiction has a stigma all of its own.
Bethesda Workshops said, ”If someone admits to a struggle with alcohol or even drugs, he or she is applauded for dealing with the addiction. But to say, ‘I may be a sex addict’ is still an entirely different thing.”
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“In a vicious cycle, the shame of sexual addiction fuels further acting out. It’s a secret sin, where strugglers are afraid to admit the problem. A common assumption is that sex addicts are moral derelicts who just need to try harder to stop their behavior.”
“Those of us who are Christians have tried harder, and we’ve begged God to deliver us from this problem. When we fail, we only feel worse. The shame escalates and is debilitating. It even keeps sex addicts from asking for help.”
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Many of those who struggle with porn believe that if anybody really knew about their secret, they would quickly reject them and condemn them. Even the Apostle Paul felt what it was like to struggle with his human desires.
“So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!” - Romans 7:21-25 (NIV)
Better Together
Have you ever heard of a soldier going into a fierce combat battle all by himself? Of course not. There would be no way he could survive without other men fighting beside him.
Admit you cannot do this alone.
You must realize you are in a war against the powers of evil. They want to keep you in bondage to your porn addiction. They want to keep you feeling like a ‘wretch’ like Paul.
That’s why you need the support and help of the men in your Conquer Group. You cannot break free from porn by yourself.
Dr. Doug Weiss, author of The Final Freedom: Pioneering Sexual Addiction Recovery, bluntly states, “I have never met anyone who has experienced sexual addiction recovery alone.”
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The secrets to success in overcoming porn addiction are your ability to take full responsibility for your behavior and to be totally honest with your group. Don’t hold anything back. Full disclosure will allow the men to better know how they can help you.
This is how one man explains his group experience: “I will be forever grateful for the brothers in Christ who embraced me despite my addiction, and whose love for me was not and is not conditional…You don’t need to tell (addicts) they are bad. They already believe that. What they need to hear is that God is good.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion, but woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.”
Start Today
Full disclosure will not be easy for you, but it is vital to your healing and freedom. Start being open and honest today.
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If you are concerned that any of the content of your disclosure might be triggering or you are concerned about sharing it for some other reason, please contact your group leader and ask to share it one-on-one first.
Let your Christian brothers be your allies in your battle. Through God’s grace and their support, you can indeed break free from porn.
Churches across America are preparing to run Conquer Groups this Fall to help men find freedom.