Healing from Emotional Betrayal: How to Cope with Your Husband's Porn Addiction

The pain of betrayal is something that most people do not understand. It’s like a bomb exploded not only in your life, but also in your heart. Everything you have known and trusted has now been exposed as a lie. As a result, everything feels unstable.

Society’s View Of Betrayal

When the conversation of betrayal is sparked, people think of the betrayal Jesus endured at the hands of Judas. Or they’ll think of a friend who broke confidence, or maybe even the couple down the street who is going through a divorce because one spouse had an office affair.

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But if you’re the wife of a man who views porn regularly, there’s this attempt by everyone around you to minimize the pain that you’re feeling. They do not understand that while he may not have been physically unfaithful, he has been emotionally betraying you.

How Friends View Betrayal

Friends, though wanting to help, struggle to see how you feel betrayed when all of society promotes porn as being a normal way of life. And it’s easy to see how they have formed this belief.

Sexually explicit content has infiltrated nearly everything to the point that many have become desensitized to its presence. Beyond that, porn is often promoted as a means by which to enhance intimacy. As a result, many in today’s society have no ill thoughts towards porn.

A survey conducted by the Barna Group in 2016 found that 96% of young adults are either encouraging, accepting, or neutral when they talk about porn to their friends.

Because it’s an accepted norm, your friends often conclude that you have one of two choices. You can either leave your spouse, or you can accept what he is doing. Sadly, some friends may even encourage you to join him.

And then there’s the war zone raging in your home.

Façade

You want to cry, scream, and fall back into the shadows where people no longer notice your existence. The desire is to wake up, realizing that all of this was only a nightmare. But sadly, this is now your reality.

Your husband wants to move forward like everything is okay. He doesn’t understand why you’re still pining, or why you prefer to sleep on the couch.

In public, he wants to appear as if everything is okay. He reaches for your hand in church, or smiles and laughs among friends. Behind the mask though is a woman whose skin is crawling at his stare from across the room.

He doesn’t realize that his attempts to minimize or neutralize your feelings is only causing you to form walls around your heart. You’re desperate for him to know, understand, and empathize with what you are feeling. However, you may struggle to be vulnerable with him – terrified that he’ll hurt you again.

Even the enemy is causing tension within your soul.

The Battle

As you walk into the bathroom every morning and turn on the light, all you see staring back at you in the mirror is an empty shell where a person once stood.

Satan taunts,

“You’re not enough, and you’ll never be enough. Look at you! Do you see those extra pounds you put on since having your children? Seriously, do you think that he’s still interested? You’re only kidding yourself. No one will ever love you.”

Tears start flowing down your face, erupting into uncontrollable sobs as you slide to the floor in despair.

But after what seems like eternity, you’re spent. Struggling to find energy to get up and continue on, you lay on the cool floor for a few moments. And then the miraculous happens – God starts speaking.

“Daughter, I love you. For Me, you will always be enough.”

But just as you start finding a glimmer of hope again, Satan interjects with his arsenal of lies. Can this war ever be won?

Yes. But it’s not one that will be won overnight. It will likely take years, with moments of highs and lows along the way. And for this reason, it’s going to be vital for you to focus on your healing.

Self-Care

Stay in touch with what you need, and work towards becoming a solid-version of yourself. The goal is to learn your identity in Christ, which cannot be stolen from you by the attacks of the world. Avoid looking too far into the future, as it can cause you great levels of anxiety. Instead, pledge to take one day at a time.

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Don’t wait to find your healing until your husband is willing to admit to his struggle and commit to his own healing. It’s always best to deal with a wound immediately, before infection has the chance to set in.

Stronger Together - This intensive class is designed to help couples begin their healing journey towards lifelong intimacy.

Freedom In Christ

Remember, betrayal happens to you but is not because of you.

Let that be the confidence that you have to move forward. Repeat that over and over again, until your heart and mind start to believe it.

Start by running to God with one simple question. “God, why do you love me?”

Journal everything He tells you, so that you can return to it as often as needed to reaffirm your identity.

And finally, take hold of the promise of Psalm 30:5.

“Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.”

If you’re willing to lean into God, completely surrendering control to Him, you will see that He is able to start speaking to your heart. As you lay yourself bare before the Lord, you will see that you can clearly hear all that He has to say because nothing will be blocking His transmissions.

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God is the lover of your soul, and will mend your broken heart. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable with God, as He can be trusted. He already knows the pain and feelings of unrest you’re carrying around, so it’s okay to outwardly tell Him. He won’t be surprised by your emotions.

“God would surely have known it, for he knows the secrets of every heart.” – Psalm 44:21 NLT

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