Husbands, Here’s How To Love Your Wife Well

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If you have tried to give up pornography, you probably know your viewing is damaging your marriage. But while you struggle with porn, you also know that the images you look at can never love you as your wife does.

Except for your relationship with God, your marriage should be the most essential part of your life. How important does the Bible think marriage is?

In The Message Bible, Ephesians 5:25-28 says,

“Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.”

Related Article: How Viewing Porn Is Wounding Your Wife & Hurting Your Family

How Can a Husband Fulfill That Command?

  1. Be a servant – A servant always puts the needs of others before his own. Jesus was the ultimate model of being selfless. Husbands are to follow His example and see their marriage as an ongoing opportunity for servanthood.
  2. Be compassionate – Show genuine concern and understanding for your wife at all times. Stormie Omartian, the author of The Power of a Praying Husband, explained, “To be compassionate toward your wife is to have a deep sympathy for any area in which she suffers and to have a strong desire to alleviate that suffering.” Omartian continued, “Part of being compassionate has to do with simply listening…Your wife is not expecting you to fix everything. She just needs to know that you hear her heart and care about how she feels.”,
  3. Be sacrificial – The cross is the greatest symbol of sacrifice. Jesus gave everything – even His life – because of His amazing love for us. Do you love your wife to the point that you would be willing to die for her?
One of the best ways to prove your love for your wife and help her feel secure in your relationship is to overcome a struggle with pornography.
One of the best ways to prove your love for your wife and help her feel secure in your relationship is to overcome a struggle with pornography.

But what about the day-to-day sacrifices? Will you be willing to make sacrifices of your time, and your own desires, and prioritize her above everything else? Be committed to sacrificing your self-centeredness for your wife’s benefit.

Marriage Is Not All About Sex

If you view porn regularly, you’re swamped with pictures of the sexual activities of strangers. But those women can never offer the love or healthy relationship of your wife.

As you start to refocus your efforts on becoming a better husband and improving your marriage, you first must change your mindset that marriage is all about sex.

Related Article: How to Love your Wife Better

Juli Slattery, the author of No More Headaches, said,

“You need to remember that it’s simply one expression of how you relate to your (wife). You also share child rearing, hobbies, hardships, friends, spiritual interests, vocational trials and successes, ministry, mentors, and countless other aspects of the marital journey.”

If your wife is aware of your porn usage, you will probably have to rebuild her trust in you before she is ready even to consider having sex. So start looking at ways you can show your love for her and help her feel secure.

Related Article: 5 Ways Porn Ruins Relationships

Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of The Five Love Languages, said,

“Love is the choice to cooperate with God in serving your spouse. The individuals who truly love see themselves as God’s agents for enriching the lives of their marriage partner. For them, love is a way of life. They are constantly looking for ways to help, encourage and support the partner.”

Lessons From The Bowerbird

Men can learn some valuable lessons from creation on helping their partners feel special. Consider the Bowerbird.

Found mainly in Australia and New Guinea, the Bowerbird has a very complex and unique way of attracting a female. Firstly, it begins with the building of his ‘bower’, a special place for his courtship.

Found mainly in Australia and New Guinea, the Bowerbird has a very complex and unique way of attracting a female. Firstly, it begins with the building of his ‘bower’, a special place for his courtship.
Found mainly in Australia and New Guinea, the Bowerbird has a very complex and unique way of attracting a female. Firstly, it begins with the building of his ‘bower’, a special place for his courtship.

The male will build, decorate, and maintain his bower which creates the perfect environment for love. It is typically made from twigs and objects such as bright stones, flowers, berries, shells, bones, or other sparkly items.

He may even use aluminum foil, plastic, cloth, or other items left by humans. All materials are specially placed to create the best possible display for the female. The bower also provides a safe, secure place for the two to meet. The bower is designed so that the female never feels trapped, but can fly away if she feels threatened.

A male may spend a week to two months preparing his bower. Once a female enters, he sings, dances, and performs for her. So, the entire ritual is designed to win her affection.

What if you spent that much time, imagination, and effort to show your wife that she is the center of your attention and desire? Let her know that she is the object of all your affection.

Related Article: A Man’s Purpose – What Does It Mean To Be A Man?

Help Her Feel Secure

Your wife also needs to have a deep feeling of security – emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Your wife also needs to have a deep feeling of security – emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Your wife also needs to have a deep feeling of security – emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

MarriageToday noted, “Meeting her need for security means using both your words and actions to tell her, “Nothing is as important to me as you are, and I will give up anything to make sure your needs are met.”…A woman will feel insecure when the man she has married is selfish and detached when she knows she is low on his priority list. She will feel the most secure when she knows her husband is always thinking about her—and willing to sacrifice anything for her.”

Dr. Doug Weiss is the founder of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado and is featured in a cinematic study for men called the Conquer Series. He explains,

“Protection has a fragrance. And when a woman smells that fragrance, her heart feels so safe. And when she can’t smell it, she feels innately insecure. What a man loves he protects.”

How To Lead Your Wife

One of the best ways to prove your love for your wife and help her feel secure in your relationship is to overcome a struggle with pornography. The Conquer Series can help you.

Sara Horn wrote in Crosswalk.com, “God has plans for you as a husband and a leader for your home. Good plans. Amazing plans. But you are throwing them away for things that will never make you truly happy. And you are destroying a relationship that God fully intended to use to help you be the man he wants you to be.”

Millions of men are starting their journey to freedom through the Conquer Series. The 10-week video series is packed with solid biblical teaching, insightful scientific information, powerful testimonies, and exciting action footage.

Nate in Iowa wrote,

“I have been so encouraged, motivated, challenged, and otherwise uplifted by the Conquer Series.”

Choose to enter this training to become the husband your wife deserves.

Sign up for digital access at SoulRefiner.com.