How Wives Are Helping Their Husbands Quit Porn
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Recently I had the opportunity to talk with an individual, who provided me with a lot of insight in regard to the role that a wife can play while dealing with her husband’s pornography addiction.
As I reflected on the things that were mentioned in that conversation, I realized that as I faced my own struggle with my husband. I, in fact, implemented many of the opinions expressed by this individual, though at the time I could not put them into words. It became something that I just did, but I could not explain.
In relationships of any kind, the female plays a key role in the success of the male. Think of the lioness, whose job is to hunt for the food that will be used to provide for the entire pride. Upon her return from her hunting expedition, the lion will then pick through the food supply, eating first, but ensuring that the rest is suitable for the other lions to eat. It takes both of them to successfully provide for the family that God gave them.
A Husband Cannot Face His Battle Alone
He needs the support of other men, which is why a Conquer Series group is so important and effective. He also needs the support of his wife.
If you have been married for any number of years, you know all too well that a wife typically knows her husband better than anyone else. While this struggle that he is facing may have come as a shock, the wife still knows the things that grip him, the things that he takes pride in, the things that cause him to hurt, and the things that bring him great joy. By having access to all of that personal, intimate information, it enables the wife to be the greatest prayer warrior that her husband could ever have!
The enemy will prowl the perimeter looking for a weak point.
Lion’s Prey
Ladies, the enemy has already began to devour your husband! Your husband has recognized this, and is now facing a battle that is much greater than any eye can see on the surface. You can be certain that the enemy will now be on the prowl for you as well. Now is the time to hit your knees, fall on your face, and begin declaring healing and restoration for not only yourself, but for your husband and marriage as well. Seal off the perimeters by coating every inch with prayer, protecting and strengthening yourself and your husband.
A man without a future will always go back to his past.
In the moment of discovery, and the days and weeks of heartache that follow, it is easy as a wife to say ‘I AM DONE.’ I can remember thinking that I needed to get out, I needed to get my kids out, I deserved more love, I didn’t deserve the hurt, I couldn’t handle the pain, and more. Packing my things and getting out of town would have eased my pain in the moment, but it would have set my husband up for yet another failure, as his future and all that he was working towards would have been gone.
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The cycle of sin would have continued, and my husband would have had nothing to encourage him to break free. The battle was not completely about him, it soon became a battle about me and our family. I had to choose to fight alongside him, or place him back on the firing range of Satan.
Safety First
I feel it is important to note that I was not in any danger. My husband did not rage with anger, and I never experienced any physical or mental abuse as a result of my husband’s addiction.
If you are in danger, your safety has to become your first priority. Seek out the advice and help of a pastor or a counselor. This does not mean that you are giving up on your husband, this means that you are valuing yourself enough to know that you need safety while your husband finds healing.
Related Article: This Local Church Is Helping Women Deal With Porn & Betrayal
Several months ago, I heard a song titled Hard Love by Need to Breathe on the radio that really resonated with my heart, mind, spirit, and soul as I thought back to the years I spent standing beside my husband as he battled through his porn addiction.
Out With The Old, In With The New
For the men who are currently fighting, let these words repeat through your head as you courageously take on this battle:
“Trading punches with the heart of darkness…
In the morning you’re gonna need an answer,
Ain’t nobody gonna change the standard.
It’s not enough to just feel the flame,
You’ve gotta burn your old self away.”
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“Put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” – Ephesians 4:22-24
The song goes on to say “…You can’t change without a fallout.” Wow! Just wow! That’s exactly what happened in my marriage, and I am sure that it is happening in countless others right now. Fallout brings about change, and it’s all based on how you handle it.
Related Article: The Fallout of Porn: How the Church Can Help Hurting Wives
I had to fight through my feelings, my emotions, and I had to take the time to truly realize why I loved my husband. I had to determine that the qualities about him were worth fighting for, and I had to choose to take his hand and head straight for the front line on this one.
Ladies, there is hope for your husband, there is hope for you, and there is hope for a renewed and restored marriage. The Conquer Series will minister to not only the issue, but to the heart, mind, and spirituality of your husband. Be sure to sign up for our newsletter as well, because a video series for wives is in the works and it will be powerful!