How Viewing Porn Is Wounding Your Wife & Hurting Your Family

Two of a wife’s strongest desires are to feel protected and loved. But her man’s pornography usage can threaten her ability to believe he is really trying to meet those needs.

Dr. Doug Weiss, the founder of Heart to Heart Counseling Center and a featured expert in the Conquer Series that helps men overcome porn usage, explains the significance of a wife needing to feel protected.

“She cannot feel that way if you are lusting after the women in your pornographic material.”

He continues, “When you were married, you promised her to love, cherish and be devoted to her until you died. By bringing other women – even if only on a computer screen – into your marriage, you are cheating on her, and you are crushing her spirit.”

He explains that if you take active steps to overcome your porn usage and maintain sobriety, then your sword is aiming against the enemy and protecting those behind you – your wife and kids. If you are continuing your porn usage, your sword is actually aimed toward your family and wounding them.

Porn Affects Your Family

Pornography viewing has a devastating effect on your wife and children. The National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families stated that 47% of American families reported that pornography is a problem in their homes.

Researchers have found that 56% of divorces result from one partner having an obsessive interest in pornography. Based on divorce data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, that would indicate porn was a major cause in over 460,000 marriages ending in 2016.

According to the testimony of Dr. Jill Manning, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, before the United States Senate, research indicated that pornography consumption is associated with

Increased marital distress, and risk of separation and divorce
Decreased marital intimacy and sexual satisfaction
Infidelity
Increased appetite for more graphic types of pornography and sexual activity associated with abusive, illegal, or unsafe practices
Devaluation of monogamy, marriage, and child-rearing

According to Pastor Jonathan Holmes of Parkside Church in Ohio,

“It is easier to type in a web address then it is to pursue intimacy with my wife. It is easier to view pornography for a few fleeting moments than to build a deep and abiding relationship with my wife. Fulling my selfish desires with no expectation is easier then self-giving and self-sacrificing love for my spouse is.”

In essence, that is why so many marriages are impacted by pornography. When a challenge arises in your relationship it’s easier to medicate with pornography and ignore the problem. This creates a cycle that leads to a catastrophic breakdown in the relationship.

Are You Harming Your Children

If you are bringing pornography into your home through printed material or on the internet, it is very likely that your children will eventually be exposed to it. They may discover it on their own or see you viewing it.

Your porn usage also affects your children by:

decreased time and attention with you
the awareness of marital difficulties between you and their mother
fear and uncertainty of what will happen to them as a result of your marriage problems
and a tendency to isolate themselves to escape the negativity in the home.

Related Article: To My Porn-Watching Dad, From Your Daughter

As Dr. Weiss would say, your sword is pointing in the wrong direction. You are leaving your family open to enemy attack and not providing the protection and love they need.

You Can Change Your Legacy

Your wife and children are looking to you to be the leader of the family. You need to accept that responsibility and set a godly example for them – and your future generations – to follow.

Tim Challies, the pastor of Grace Fellowship Church in Toronto, said,

“Your first legacy is the gospel. If you leave your children full pockets but empty souls, you have neglected your most important duty. Your second legacy is godliness.”

Like the Apostle Paul, seek to live a life that is worth imitating:

“Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1)

According to Kym Carter, the president of Legacy Moms, “We must be intentional and make a choice to parent according to God’s Word and make it a priority to infuse that into every choice we make. A godly legacy begins when we are intentional parents who create a home that honors God. Children thrive best in an atmosphere of genuine love, supported by reasonable, consistent discipline.”

So in every situation concerning your wife and children, lean into Christ. Ask Him to transform your attitude, actions, and words to reflect His grace, love, and mercy. Allow Him to begin to renew your mind. Every choice you make and action you take needs to line up with the Word of God. This is impossible to do alone. Above all, you’ll need a biblical process, accountability and to lean into God daily through scripture.

Related Article: C.S. Lewis on Porn and Masturbation

Even if your father wasn’t the godly man you craved or didn’t set the example you needed, you can decide that you will be a man that honors God and will leave a positive legacy for your wife and children.

A Tool To Help You Leave A Legacy

The Conquer Series is a powerful tool that is helping millions of men find lasting freedom.

If you have determined that you want to overcome pornography and leave a godly legacy, there is a powerful tool that is helping millions of men find lasting freedom.

Related Article: How to Delete Porn from Your Brain

The Conquer Series is a cinematic small group study that gives men a Christ-centered process for renewing their mind. Packed with dramatic action segments, each lesson contains solid Biblical teaching, and powerful testimonies.

Nate from Iowa wrote,

“I have been so encouraged, motivated, challenged, and otherwise uplifted by the Conquer Series. I love the use of science (within the worldview of Scripture) to understand addiction.”

The Conquer Series is the perfect resource for churches to use to reach their men who struggle with porn.